Bear = Pussy

Bear,

I hate you because you cannot spell. Seriously grow up, it's quiet, not quite. I wouldn't mention it, but you have been spelling terribly lately. There is no excuse when spell-check exists on the blog, and you have a college education. On with the roast...As the person who is generally following the drunken Bear around (in over 5 different countries now), I have to say that I am not bothered by it. I actually think this is one of your more redeeming qualities. For the most part, you make my life more interesting when you drunkenly stumble out of the bar and make me baby-sit you. Usually, I am ready to leave anyway, so it just makes for a great excuse to leave, "oh, there goes Bear again...I got it." Genius way to get out of a lame-ass convo with the Snake. My biggest problem with you? Your inexcusable total failure with humans of the opposite sex. For a person who is 6'5 and not retarded, it makes no sense that you could strike out more than Preston Wilson. Most girls I know simply hook up with guys because they are tall. How do you not pull some "hey, look...that guy is tall" ass? More importantly, when you do manage to get a girl home, you are so stupid that you either pass out, or move yourself to the couch. 99.9% of men are able to ward off passing out to simply make out with a chick...how do you pass out when a girl is about to bone you? The fact that this happens continually blows my mind. Learn being a man. If you don't hook up with a girl this weekend, I reserve the right to punch you in the balls. I'm tired of you not hooking up for no reason.


Oh, plus I think your feet stink.