Viper: All Star of the Weekend

Viper wins this new award hands down, simply by getting kicked out of a bar on Saturday night for asking two chicks if they did porn. While he was dishing this awesome compliment to the two lovely ladies (read skanks), I was the only eye witness to the one girls reaction. To say the least, it was pure disgust. Not only did the other chick then try to kick him, but she also got some dude to say how inappropriate it was to make that kinda of comment. To that dude, good luck with the VD you acquired Saturday when you returned victorious with one of these chicks, and to Viper, keep up the good work.

Also, LVP was one Manatee, for pussing it on Saturday and pussing it with me on Friday, poor showing.

Mook

Today is the Mook's lucky day. Everyone rag on him, rag on him good.

Oh sea cow.....

Let us begin to look into why you are a bad friend.

Now, I would like to go to back in time three years ago to our sophmore year in college. Now, for me to say you were a shitshow would be an understatement, not that I was any different. Anyways, although there are some good memories and things we laugh about now, at the time of these events, nostalgia was not the emotion I was feeling. I am referring to two events right now, the night you peed on my futon, and the night you passed out on the floor while locking myself and the Tripod out of the room. First, you peed on my futon, so I was a little pissed until you cleaned it a few minutes later. Second, I thought someone was hooking up in my room and not opening the door, so while I was getting the master key, I was a little upset at an unknown person doing it in my room. When I found out it was you, and that the floor was the best place you could land, instead one of the two beds or couch, I was no longer mad, rather greatly amused.

Onto more recent events. There is a lack of trust in our relationship while outside the country. When I say we need to go to Mannheim, we need to fucking go to Mannheim. Do not sit there saying we are in Mannheim, or have already been to Mannheim and are now on our way to Switzerland. Just because I might have been off my rocker a little that night does not mean you can simply throw away my instructions, even if they were completely wrong. Maybe you should have gotten out a map to prove your point. Even if I would have read it and thought it was a map of New Zealand, it still might have helped.

hit me hard

It looks like the Manatee is up. Don't pull any punches ladies.

Who's day is it?

Gnat? Mook? Viper? or Manatee? Let me know, if nobody has responded by noon, I am picking.

More on the Snake

A comment about his gambling picks. Luckily, he has steered away from betting on my two main teams, Michigan and the Yankees. If you so much as mention them in your picks, I swear to god I will take a broken beer bottle and shove it up your ass one night when you are passed out on one of my couches. Now, if you were to place a bet and say this Japanese pitcher is going to be a stud for the Red Sox, I might go for that. Otherwise, I am amused how bad you are at picking games. Since this is the first year I have been on the email list, have you been this bad consistently or is this a flash in the pan of horribleness?

Next thing.....what is the deal with the tropical shirts at fucking concerts? Granted, I have been to only one concert with you, which I was promptly kicked out of, but regardless, you are not a 50 year old man yet. I think you would make a better fashion statement if you just rocked your sweater.

And finally, your television picks, not only do I refuse to watch shitty TV, the only person I will ever listen to is Higgins. He and I have similar TV viewing patterns, and thats the only person I trust.

ssssnake sssucks

Snake,

You bitch. Literally, you bitch and moan and whine too much. It's not so much the whining, it is the fact that you can totally control what you whine about if you only change some small things about you. For example, don't bitch that you are out of money, or say "I don't have any cash, just put it on my tab" when we are somewhere that you know you will be spending money at. I am not a bar, you have no "tab" with me. Also, you gamble too much and suck at it. It would be one thing if you were good, but you aren't. Your football picks stink. You say you 'are up "lifetime" at the casino', but I have been with you multiple times, and there is no way you are up. If I were to make an analogy, i'd say that your career casino batting average is lower than Preston Wilson's on base percentage.
Also, you totally blew it by not living with us, and your excuse sucks. There are a million other people who make the same amount as you who manage to not live with their parents. Additionally, you said you are doing it to save money, but then you say that you have no money in your account. Somehow 1 + 1 doesn't equal 2 here. Then you say that your Dad is managing your money for you. Lamefest 2k6. You are a grown-up, learn personal responsibility.

P.S. Sometimes you yell and it's scary...calm down.

Snake....sssssssssss

Snake sucks cause when nobody is home at our house, he is there passing out on my fucking couch, fuck your couch snake

Bear = Pussy

Bear,

I hate you because you cannot spell. Seriously grow up, it's quiet, not quite. I wouldn't mention it, but you have been spelling terribly lately. There is no excuse when spell-check exists on the blog, and you have a college education. On with the roast...As the person who is generally following the drunken Bear around (in over 5 different countries now), I have to say that I am not bothered by it. I actually think this is one of your more redeeming qualities. For the most part, you make my life more interesting when you drunkenly stumble out of the bar and make me baby-sit you. Usually, I am ready to leave anyway, so it just makes for a great excuse to leave, "oh, there goes Bear again...I got it." Genius way to get out of a lame-ass convo with the Snake. My biggest problem with you? Your inexcusable total failure with humans of the opposite sex. For a person who is 6'5 and not retarded, it makes no sense that you could strike out more than Preston Wilson. Most girls I know simply hook up with guys because they are tall. How do you not pull some "hey, look...that guy is tall" ass? More importantly, when you do manage to get a girl home, you are so stupid that you either pass out, or move yourself to the couch. 99.9% of men are able to ward off passing out to simply make out with a chick...how do you pass out when a girl is about to bone you? The fact that this happens continually blows my mind. Learn being a man. If you don't hook up with a girl this weekend, I reserve the right to punch you in the balls. I'm tired of you not hooking up for no reason.


Oh, plus I think your feet stink.

Pathetic

Why is nobody saying anything bad about me? Come on, make shit up for all I care, just write something so I am amused sitting here at work. I know that I will not be nearly as quite as all of you are when your day of reckoning comes.

BTW, Snake is up tomorrow.

"Drunk Liability Bear" definitely makes you a bad friend

I mean, you get shitbombed to the point where you end up having to leave the bar at midnight. No one wants to follow your dumbass, and you don't ask anyone to, but we all cringe with the feeling that you'd wake up in a gutter with a hooker named Bob demanding his/her $20. The typical comment is, "Christ, Bear's at it again. I guess I gotta go walk that piece of shit home."

Roast of Bear

This week we will be discussing why each of us are bad friends. To get things jump started, I get to be the first person to have shit talked about them. So I will get things kicked off with one which I think is fairly obvious.....

Bear likes to get so shitfaced that he becomes uncontrollable some times, and then forces his friends to look out for his drunk ass, effectively ruining many of their nights since they are babysitting instead of having fun. Way to go Bear, drink more beer, seriously, drink more.

Arrests, Tasers, Drinking, and boobs

So last night, a buddy from back up in NY comes to town to hang out for the night before going a wedding in the area tonight. So after sufficiently hydrating ourselves at my house, he, his girlfriend, a chick who is friends with the other girl, and I go to a local watering hole to have a couple drinks and be social. We get there, all is going quite well, when we run into some other local hoodlums I know. After briefly chatting with them, our groups go our seperate ways. This is when things pick up. Sitting at our table, a little fight broke out right outside the bar. Whoever started the fight I hope was quite intoxicated, because there had been three cops standing there for roughly an hour before this pushing and shoving went on and obviously starting a fight in this location would not be recommended. Anyways, after a minute or two, a few people are in cuffs sitting on the curb, and a crowd has gathered around a dude who has two electronic probes sticking in his ass. Yes, some dbag got the shit tasered out of him because he didnt know not to fuck with the PoPo. After ripping my eyes away from the guy being electrocuted, I notice that I know one of the guys being arrested. Yes my friends, it is the one, the only, as our Manatee likes to call him, Spanish Merch. Although I felt bad about this guy getiting arrested, at least he didnt get something jammed in his ass.

After this happened, we get ushered out the bar and head to a bar in the Catholic area called Johnny K's. The only reason I bring this chain of events up is to show how much I suck. The girlfriend's friend I mentioned over has been really nice to me all night. A little flirting here and there earlier on has turned into us holding hands, me putting my arm around her waste, her doing the whole ass in the crotch deal. Everyone at this point should be thinking, 'Well, sounds like a sealed deal.' Well, I blew it. We get back to her apt. and she promptly passes out on her couch and doesnt respond to me telling her to come with me to her bed. Nice work Bear, you fucking puss. This shouldnt come to as a surprise for anyone however, since Ive been pulling shit like this off since I hit puberty. But my god did she have bombs, and my god would I have motorboated the shit out of them. Fuck me, fuck me in my dumb ass.


Alrighty, long post, still trying to hone the way in which this blog works seeing as it is still in its infancy, everyone have a nice day and lets get some stories from tonights actions.

Bear

This is great

Ive just discovered a new way to waste time at work. With Windows Media player 10, you can minimize the thing to your toolbar, and then bring it back up so that it shows just a small screen shot in the bottom of your computer window, this is genius. What isnt genius is that I am watching W&L's girls volleyball team on it, even if they are in the NCAA's. Anywho, definitely going to be using this feature for a little Arrested Development, Lost, 24, and other movies in the near future. Plus I just went to a mexican place for lunch, so i will be spending at least half an hour in the bathroom later.

Grand Opening

Welcome to the immature blog. Not only is this blog supposed to be entertaining, but informational as well. Here we will recount our ridiculous antics and stories for everyone's enjoyment. We might even get some lame football picks thrown in every once in a while, hoping that someone is stupid enough to bet on them. These picks will be provided free of charge by Snake if he chooses to do so. Anyways, thanks for checking it out and enjoy...